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23 September 2003 @ 09:20 pm
I feel so horrible. Its been over two months since the Fall of Sanctum and I still can't help but to feel totally responsible. I shouldn't have survived... I should have went down with the ship as well! Maybe if I had been there... then maybe...

No, I can't be so arrogant as to think my intervention would prevent such a death.

But still. It had been just minutes before the attack... I was talking with her... and to think I made her work hard on building the Sanctum only for both of them to fall! She spent the last of her times sacrificing herself for me and everyone else. I can't help but to blame myself.

I know if Papaya would have died, I would blame someone. Stars, she had children too... How are Albert and Caesar taking this? Rufus and them probably hate me. I did kill Ian, after all.

Dammit... DAMMIT!

Others are blaming Rik for this too.. now I'm making her suffer for my mistakes! I need to get out of here before I cause anymore pain. I need to escape now... Or I might end up killing Echo and Jeremiah...

*sigh* Aniki blames himself as well. He didn't cause this. I did...

I just keep killing important people, don't I...
Current Mood: distresseddistressed
Adriaadriamaxwell on September 24th, 2003 01:52 am (UTC)
It's okay.
It's not your fault I knew it was going to happen. I didn't say anything to stop you guys from going up there. Seers are not allowed to interfere with the future. ... I had prior warning to this... ...It is my fault I say I do not believe in destiny yet I do nothing to change it? ...What kind of hypocrite am I? ... Please don't leave alright? Echo and Jeremiah need you and so does Papaya. Things will be fine..
Mysteremegaplayboy on September 24th, 2003 02:08 am (UTC)
Hey man
Don't beat yourself over it. We can build a new ship...I think she wanted to work on that ship. She probably felt like she was wanted and helpful...I don't think she would have wanted it any other way.

You can't walk out on your kids...that would be the worst thing you could do...your kids adore you and Echo wants to be exactly like you....(she's fixed my bedroom door three times already..) Cheer up man. Things will get better soon. Be happy with what you have now.